Monthly Archives: January 2012

Annoying Conversation #33: “But Can I Get Extra Cheese On It?” (Because If You Can Still See Your Food, You Need More Cheese!)

Do you ever wonder about cheese?

Not cheese in the French sense of cheese:

A really expensive hunk of something smelly with a few plain crackers and slices of ripe pear on a plate of pretentiousness.

But cheese in the American sense:

Buffalo cheese wings and cheese soup and cheesy bread sticks and cheesy dipping sauce with a side order of cheesy fries and spicy cheese chips with cheese on top?

What is our national obsession with fake cheese?

Why are there cheese bagels?

And cheese muffins?

Why does delivery pizza have to stuff its crust with cheese even though there’s already cheese on the pizza because pizza is already dough with cheese on top?

Why, at most chain restaurants, like Cheese Garden and AppleCheese’s, does even the salmon come stuffed with cheese and/or topped with cheese sauce?

Why do I fear that the next new “flavor” of Cheerios will be “Cheese-Flavored” Cheerios?


Please. Someone. Explain.

Annoying Conversation #30: “The Dog Is Bored.” (By Which You Mean, “I Want a Divorce.”)

My husband tells me the dog is bored about ten times a week. And when he does, I always say the same thing:

The dog is a dog. Dogs don’t get bored!

But thanks to the magic of Xtranormal software – and some free time during the holidays — I’ve taken the time to delve into the true meaning of this phrase, The Dog is Bored. Is my husband projecting? Transferring? Planning on taking the dog for a romantic tropical vacation? Am I right? Am I crazy? You decide.

Relationships are full of mystery, open to interpretation, wild speculation, and deep neurosis. Or, in this case, all three.

Xtra Credit: See if you can watch the video with your spouse/significant other without getting in a fight!