Laura was doing her usual Art Carney arm-flailing routine — you know, making a big deal about getting back to work and starting to write various things: her brant, a new project, another new project — and she was doing all the usual bullshitty procrastinative behavior she usually engages in before sitting down to start working again after a long lapse — when she suddenly decided she wanted a whole new look to her brant. Something clean and simple. Something readable. Something that didn’t have a bright red background and 8 pt purple type. Something that people of her age and eyesight limitations could easily make sense of without having to squint and hold the laptop up to their faces and paw around for one of those pairs of cheap cheesy magnifying eyeglasses from CVS.
Something, too, that would take some time to set up and thus postpone her actual writing.
Loyal brant-readers may remember that about a year ago, in preparation for the publication of Get Over Yourself!, Laura set up a whole new little brant after deciding her existing brant on WordPress was too fucking complicated to use: she was having trouble posting photos (“having trouble” is an understatement: she spent about 2 weeks realizing there was no way she could post photos on her brant, no matter how many times she tried or how many web-sperts she consulted). And so after leaving the original brant that was attached to her spam-infested website, www.laurazigman.com, she started a brand new brant on Blogger (www.laurasbrant.blogspot.com), one she designed in the signature black and red and yellow theme that her amazing web guy had designed her site with. Laura really enjoyed the new brant — its friendly colors, its user-friendliness: Laura could change things around practically with her eyes closed, it was so easy, putting up new book jackets and video clips of Hugh Jackman without swearing, feeling like she could keep her brant fluid and fresh with a few simple clicks. But sitting down to contemplate a new back-to-branting post, she realized there was something about the design that was making her feel like her head was going to explode.
Now, to be honest, most things these days make Laura feel like her head’s going to explode — re-entering the whole routine of going back to school, running the house, cleaning the house, tackling paperwork, getting her work started — but she realized that her overly-visually-stimulating brant template shouldn’t be one of those things. She also realized that she had to something that was both productive and procrastinative, and creating a new brant out of whole cloth seemed just the thing that fit the bill.
So after looking through the many template designs back at WordPress, she decided on this new design — she loves the cleanness of it, the white space, the big easy-to-read type (Laura isn’t getting any younger even if her readers are). And more than that, she loves the idea of starting fresh. Somewhere new. Somewhere else. This of course fits into Laura’s long-self-documented pathology of “Escape Fantasy Disorder” — her compulsion to move and escape her current residence/job/city/life and move to another residence/job/city/life, forgetting that despite the physical move and change of scenery, there is one constant that can’t be changed: Laura herself. Which is to say that Laura has had to learn that no matter where she goes, no matter where she moves to and escapes to, no matter where she sets up a new shop, there is one thing she can’t leave behind: herself. She has to take herself with her, no matter how much she wishes sometimes she could just be rid of that ultimate bit of baggage: her gigantic self, full of anxiety of failure and past disappointments. If only she could pack herself away in a huge steamer trunk and shove it in a closet somewhere and be free! Free to brant and write and express herself without all the self-doubt and self-consciousness and fear of nothing coming out the way she wants it to. But of course, she can’t. She is stuck with herself, and always will be, no matter how many times she moves and changes addresses, no matter how many apartments and houses she starts over in, no matter how many brants she designs and redesigns and moves on from.
And so she’s asking you to indulge her latest Escape Fantasy Disorder move: her move from Blogspot to WordPress. She hopes you’ll change the bookmark on your bookmark toolbar, if that’s how you find her, or that you’ll continue to follow her brant updates on Facebook and Twitter. She wishes there were a way to import her original brant — the one from her website — over here, but she’s not sure she can, which means for anyone looking for her “Breast Brants” about her experiences with breast cancer, or any of the other brants written between 2006-2008, you’re still going to have to go back to www.laurazigman.com.
Laura’s going to try to follow the lead of a fellow writer friend (and lead singer/songwriter for Sugar Snow), Simone, who has started blogging every Monday, by aspiring to post a new brant every week, once a week. This will take organization — in Laura’s head, where things are not normally very organized — and discipline, and she’s going to try to come up with a writing schedule and stick to it. After all, despite her protestations and feelings of unworthiness in this regard — feeling like a writer who hasn’t really been writing enough — this is what she does. It’s the only thing she does, and the only thing she loves to do, and so she’s going to start doing it more regularly.
On her new redesigned clean white big-type brant: https://laurazigman.wordpress.com.
With its new title: “Hear Laura Brant.”