Do you ever wonder about cheese?
Not cheese in the French sense of cheese:
A really expensive hunk of something smelly with a few plain crackers and slices of ripe pear on a plate of pretentiousness.
But cheese in the American sense:
Buffalo cheese wings and cheese soup and cheesy bread sticks and cheesy dipping sauce with a side order of cheesy fries and spicy cheese chips with cheese on top?
What is our national obsession with fake cheese?
Why are there cheese bagels?
And cheese muffins?
Why does delivery pizza have to stuff its crust with cheese even though there’s already cheese on the pizza because pizza is already dough with cheese on top?
Why, at most chain restaurants, like Cheese Garden and AppleCheese’s, does even the salmon come stuffed with cheese and/or topped with cheese sauce?
Why do I fear that the next new “flavor” of Cheerios will be “Cheese-Flavored” Cheerios?
Why?!
Please. Someone. Explain.
My husband tells me the dog is bored about ten times a week. And when he does, I always say the same thing:
The dog is a dog. Dogs don’t get bored!
But thanks to the magic of Xtranormal software – and some free time during the holidays — I’ve taken the time to delve into the true meaning of this phrase, The Dog is Bored. Is my husband projecting? Transferring? Planning on taking the dog for a romantic tropical vacation? Am I right? Am I crazy? You decide.
Relationships are full of mystery, open to interpretation, wild speculation, and deep neurosis. Or, in this case, all three.
Xtra Credit: See if you can watch the video with your spouse/significant other without getting in a fight!
For those of you keeping track at home, this is the second in a two-part series of “Annoying Math Conversations.” The first was “Shopping Math is The New Free.” The video is below but in a nutshell: shopping math means everything is free — if you count what you saved when you spent money on stuff as money you can later spend on more stuff. In other words, all the money you “save” by getting stuff “on sale” counts as “actual money” you can “spend” on “more stuff” later.
Which means: You basically earn money when you spend money, not lose money when you spend money.
Are you following?
This “creative accounting” principle of “using what you don’t really have because you already spent it” but “pretending you still have it and didn’t spend it” applies to “Video Game Math,” too. Here, my son — I mean, a boy — is explaining to my husband — I mean, his father — how the three hours he’s already spent playing video games doesn’t really count and that he’s actually earned MORE time for all the time he’s spent playing video games that didn’t count.
Are you following?
“Creative Accounting” isn’t just for big banks and big business! Anyone can do it!
For regular people like us, it’s called Shopping Math. When you use Shopping Math, everything you buy on sale is basically free, which means you can buy more. Especially when you use Special Credit Cards (that accrue Points!) or Groupons (for stuff you don’t need and will never use!). In fact, sometimes you actually EARN money by SPENDING MONEY! It’s so cool!
And it’s why we’re all going broke!
